Things have been going smoothly over here. We have quickly fallen into our old routines of a family of five. It feels good to be back to normal, but then I wonder if that is somehow dishonoring Hannah's memory. It is hard to balance the remembering with the moving forward. Yesterday Hannah would have been 4 months old. It pains me to think about what could have been, if she had been born healthy.
Ellie is struggling with a fever today. It started yesterday, and she spent most of the day sleeping and breathing hard. The fever lightened up in the evening but is back at about half-strength today. So far I am pleased with how she is handling it, but I miss her alert eyes and smiles.
Some big news around here is that we have been approved for 180 hours of respite care per year (comes out to about 15 per month). We have been very blessed to have a friend and nurse from the NICU agree to fill those hours for us. So, we plan to go to a wedding this month, just me and Adam! It has been 2 years since we have been alone, just the two of us (unless you count my c-section where my mom had Ellie in the waiting room)! We are looking forward to some opportunities to do some activities alone.
I have also trained a friend from church who is a pediatrician to stay with Ellie occasionally while I run errands or do fun things with the boys. She came for the first time last week and what a blessing that was for me to go shopping by myself! Thanks Jamie!
Another big thing we have been working on is a bathroom remodel. Our loving and supportive church and family have been helping us install a handicapped shower so that we will be able to bathe Ellie more easily in the years to come. It has been a long and exciting project that is supposed to be done at the end of this week. I look forward to sharing it with you via pictures or a tour when it is finished.
So that's what is going on around here. We have been doing really well considering. We praise God for Ellie's health and stability. We praise him for his sustaining grace as we continue to grieve. We thank you all so much for the prayers, cards, and many blessings you have showered on us. I feel so unworthy to have your love and support!
Hello, dear friend!
ReplyDeleteI was just thinking about you and here is a brand new post :) So glad to hear that you are doing well. I'll be praying that Ellie feels better soon. What a blessing for you and Adam to be able to get away together.
Love and Hugs,
Betsy
It is good to hear what is going on with you Emily! Never feel bad for how you are feeling each stage of the grief. It is not dishonoring to Hannah to feel as though life is returning to normal..in fact that is probably a 'good' thing for all that is going on in your life. Everyone goes through grief very differently...so whatever you are going through is just right for you. I'm sorry you are missing out on what could have been if Hannah had been born healthy :( Praying for you and your family each and every day. I am also praying for Ellie as she fights this fever! I am glad to hear you and Adam will get out and about by yourselves soon! :) What wonderful news and something to look forward too! Thinking of you often! Hugs!
ReplyDeleteReally? A new handicapped bathroom?!? I hope it will help in years to come. We're praying for you guys! :)
ReplyDeleteDear Emily and Adam -
ReplyDeleteThe Lord brought you to my mind this morning and I checked your blog and by reading it, I got to catch up with you a bit - so thank you for posting. I hope Ellie feels better soon, and I am so glad you will get some respite care. Our God continually hears and answers our prayers. Beautiful pictures too of your family and the Christmas tree. My prayers continue for you and your children, may you experience His peace and blessings this Christmas season. Love, Ruth
Thanks for sharing...I'm so glad that God is sending you some angels to help out with your kids..your time with Adam..and your church helping with a remodle project. All these things are needed and we struggle with this too..every time you turn around something eels need to be done in the home to accomadate you. Praise God for all the needs he has provided...Enjoy your special times with Adam and with your family this Christmas season.
ReplyDeleteCec & Barb Harkema
Em
ReplyDeleteIt all sounds great. God is taking care of some of his best people. Enjoy your time with Adam.
Uncle Bob
Hi Emily, When you were talking about finding the right balance between grieving and moving on I realized I should send you the link to my cousin/friend's blog. They have 5 kids and had another daughter who died at 6 months from a heart condition they didn't know she had. They have struck a great balance, I think. They continue to celebrate her birthday and talk about her as if she was still part of the family (because she is). You might find it interesting... I'm sure she would welcome talking to you as well. http://mattswife1990.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteSometimes it's really that simple, isn't it? I feel a little stupid for not thinking of this myself/earlier, though.
ReplyDelete